I Am Terrible at This


It’s decided. I am terrible at this.

 

I am terrible at blogging.

 

You see, there are those out there that are super diligent at writing blogs. They do it on a schedule. They write about things that are relevant. Like clock work a blog arrives on their forum each week. Me, not so much.

 

I try. I swear it. I sit down with intentions to write and blow the blogging world away with words that are so real and raw, and then I sit down to write it out and . . . nothing. Or better yet, I sit down, start typing, and get rolling only to get distracted by life. Work, people, obligations- whatever it is, takes my mind off the goal of writing a blog.

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If I am honest with you, I hate blogs.

 

I feel like blogs are just telling you things you either already know or have no care to know. Sometimes blogs are written rather snarky like and it makes me think that the person writing them doesn’t live in the real world. Maybe they just don’t live anywhere near my neck of the woods.

 

Another thing about blogs that gets me: I feel like they are too perfect. Too much like a Pinterest page of perfection or an instagram flat lay that has been meticulously laid out with no wrinkles. I am just not that girl.

 

I am full of wrinkles, both literally and physically. I am the girl who desires to go to the gym, wants to be healthy but lets be real Chick-fil-a is just heavenly! Taco Bell- Lord Jesus come!!

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I am living a lack luster life if you are viewing it from the outside. I am single- not a single prospect in range. I would rather hang out with my cat because he is better than most humans. . . just being real. My dreams sit on a shelf waiting for the day to be dusted off and thrown into motion. I am just terrible at this.

 

Now calm down friends, I am not saying I hate my life. I am not tooting my pity party horn. I am not even saying woe is me. I am just getting honest. Honesty is something I find lacking in the world these days. A good dose of honesty is healthy to the heart and mind. To truly evaluate your place, heart, mind and soul.

 

My honesty with you is saying I am terrible at doing this whole blog thing like someone else. I can’t be someone else. I have enough trouble being me.  I can’t be anyone but me. And man, I am terrible at this blog life.

 

Why is it we find ourselves trying to be like others?

 

Why do we demand to be a carbon copy of those around us?

 

I can’t do it any more friends. I just can’t.

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I tried. I really did try to be like the masses, to like the same things, to listen to the same music, to talk about the same things, to fade into the void and lose all of myself in what the world thinks is right, good and true. But I can’t. I am made for more than this noise. I am made to be light, to be salt, to be a city on a hill.

 

I just picked up this book called Dance Stand Run by Jess Connolly. I literally have only read the prologue and I have been so challenged in heart and soul that I am not sure where to go from here.

 

Jess is asking questions that I have asked for a while now and its challenging. They are deep, powerful and impactful questions that demand an answer.

 

I have decided to dive into this book with all I have, to ask the tough questions, to allow Holy Spirit to dive deep into me and bring change into my heart, mind and soul.

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I have also decided to use this blog as more of a journal, not a blog anymore. When I began Lessons In Bravery I wanted to be real, raw and me. I am a storyteller by nature. Yet, somewhere along the way I left me on the side, tried to become like others and lost a bit of the raw. My heart is to be able to have truthful conversations, to move past the pleasantries and dig deep into our hard ground. I want to turn this blog into journal pages of lessons I am learning. I want to treat this blog/journal/storytelling like we are sitting over a cup of tea. I want you to share in the journey of my lessons, to share in the stories we share together.

 

I want to have real, engaging, transforming and championing dialogue through the reading of these entries, well, and life. I want to have conversations with those that are asking the hard questions. To dive into the deep end with those who don’t know the questions they even want to ask yet. I desire to create a community of people who will be vulnerable, transparent and honest.

 

So if that sounds like you, then subscribe – at the bottom of the page–  to what I am now going to be calling my journals/stories, and dig deep. Together we will embark on the tough questions, on the hard issues. Together we will move past the normal and dig for the Light. We will begin to season the world around us again. We will champion the hearts that feel as though they are not seen. We will be the ones to see them, to love them, to hear them. Friends, we will not stand back and allow the world to redefine what kind of Light we hold. We will speak to the darkness and throw up our Light. We will bring people home.

 

Let’s start together.

 

A.

*The album pictured in this entry is Strahan. Go check him out. 

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Over the next few entries I will be sharing what I am learning from Dance Stand Run  if you want to read with me and join in this community you can grab the book here. We belong together friends, so join in.

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