The Fog of Disappointment


So I am going to preach for a moment.

 

I am preaching at myself, really, but if you need to hear it too, well then, here we go.

 

I opened by bible for the first time in a . . . while. It open to Acts. There was a sticky note. It read- are you lost in a fog of disappointment? 

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Am I? I had to ask myself that question. I had to get dig deep and take a look around.

 

Am I lost in a fog of disappointment?

 

Am I?

 

God, am I?

 

I think I am. I think I have been running around in a dense fog. I have grown accustom to it. I have learned to see in it, walk in it, and well, to basically live while surrounded by this fog.

 

I have been looking at life through a lens of “how life should look” versus what it is. I have been stumbling around in the feeling of disappointment of what I feel I am missing, fumbling to grab onto anything that would make sense and make my “lack of” less. The whole time I have been blinded by this fog, this utter disappointment has wrapped around me. And you know what? I have let it.

 

I have allowed the fog to dig it’s claws into my skin, to adhere to my mind, to grip my heart, and it keeps trying to dive deep into my soul.

 

This post it note moment was a slight nudge by Holy Spirit, a Hey, hey you!! Look at this. Wake up to this reality. 

 

I won’t say it was a face slap but it was a subtle elbow to the ribs. You know that one, the one your mom uses when you totally slip up and say something you shouldn’t, but you’re to big to be grabbed by the ear lobe any more. . . ya, it was that kind of nudge.

 

As I sat there shocked at my findings in my own life, I came to a new reality. Or maybe it was an old reality I was finally seeing.

 

I have been working and thinking off a certain set of parameters.

  1. At 34 you should have your life together.
  2. By now, you should have the adult life handled.
  3. Marriage, family, house, dog, and white picket fence should be in your view.
  4. Career is a must.
  5. Success is everything.
  6. Unless all of these are met, you are a failure.

 

What can I say. . . these are the things I looked at as my Gold Standard. These things, among others, are the essence of what I, in my 20 year old mind, thought I would have in my 30 year old body. Now seeing that those things are not yet to happen as of yet in my 34 years of life, I allowed the fog of disappointment – for things I feel I should have/ want/ dream of- that disappointment began to cover my heart, mind, and start to weasel its way into my soul.

 

Like I said at the beginning, I am preaching to myself here, so bear with me.

Not once, not even for a moment did I wrap my head around the idea that maybe, just maybe, God has a different plan, program, hell, even a different set of life goals for me. Kingdom goals for me. Goals and guidelines that I had/have no clue about.

 

I have been wandering around in great darkness, looking for great light.

 

But you know what? The great Light has come.

 

In Isaiah 9, Isaiah shares a prophecy for the people.

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dealt in a land of deep darkness, on them had light shone. . . 

 

Friends, we walk around in darkness thinking that it is normal. Thinking there is no helping it. We stumble around looking for a light but a Light has come. A great Light has arrived to show us the way.

 

In Matthew 4:16 the words are repeated with a slight change:

The people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned. 

 

Oh my! Friends, we choose where we dwell. We pick where we abide. We choose light or dark. It’s us. It’s US! We are the ones the great Light has come to shine on. It is for us that the dawn has come. Though we may be living in the region of death, in the shadow of death, it is us that the light has dawned on.

 

So why do we continue to dwell in darkness?

 

It is like we bury our heads because we are afraid of what the light will show us. We are scared of the what the light will reveal of our heart, our mind, our souls.

 

Well kids, not this girl. Nope, I can’t  dwell in darkness any more. I need the Light. I need the color. I need the joy. That’s what Isaiah says in 9:3 increased joy. Isaiah is taking about the nation that lives in the light and how it’s joy will increase. Well, thats me. I want joy increased. I want abundant life. I want all the freaking cliches that the Christian world over uses. Hashtag Blessed!!! I want it all!!

 

I don’t want to be trapped in the fog any more.

 

This is likely going to take me a long time to put into motion but I have to believe there is more to life than the fog, the zombie life, and even the instagram/pinterest world! I am going for it. And you know what, I am going to see my dreams come true!!

 

Plus. . . our God is Emmanuel: God with us. Not God without us, not God only on Sundays. Not God who takes our dreams away. No, He is God with us! He, the Light of the World, came to bring us joy, relationship and life!

I want to be part of the wild, extravagant, life breathing, rosy cheeked, tears from laughing so hard part of life! I desire to experience all I can this side of heaven.

 

Don’t you want that too?

 

So, whats stopping us?

 

Maybe not what but rather who!

 

Who is stopping you?

 

Take some time today and dig deep. You can do this!

 

Come on and join the wild life!

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Let me know what you think by leaving a comment here or on instagram @bravely.andrea

Remember you are not alone!

A.

 

 

 

 

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